Tales of the Parodyverse

Post By

Anime Jason
Sat Jul 29, 2006 at 11:49:43 am EDT

Subject
The Lair Legion Barbecue Part 8 (sort of)
[New] [Edit] [Email] [Print] [RSS] [Tales of the Parodyverse]
Next In Thread >>





Writer's Note: This part isn't really that good but since I spent much of the week working on the scripts, and I neither started a new PV plot nor finished the next World Class this is all I have. I'll leave it up to all of you on whether it should stay up or disappear into the bad-story-bin forever.



Barbecue Round Robin Part 8


    "No thanks." Lara Night, guest of the Lair Mansion, turned down a hamburger offered to her by Hatman. She already had a hot dog in a bun sitting on her paper plate.
    
    "You can't tell me you're a vegetarian," Hatman noted, pointing at her plate.
    
    "No, it's just that the only beef I like are hot dogs. Sometimes. If they're all beef." Lara shrugged as she took a bite.
    
    Hatman smiled at that as he placed another round of burgers on the grill. "You're one of those finicky eaters, eh?"

    "Nah." She shook her head and smiled in return. "Had a bad experience at a restaurant with a hamburger." She glanced at the grill and nodded to herself. "Pretty sure you dont want to hear about it right now."
    
    "Yeah. Not a good idea right now," Hatman agreed. "Any idea where Liu Xi went? The fire is going to start cooling down soon."
    
    Lara looked around quickly. "I don't see her. I think she went into the garden. If you can't find her though I hear Kerry Shepherdson can help with fiery stuff."
    
    "I'd like to have a lawn left afterward," Hatman pointed out. "And besides, Kerry can make things burn but Liu Xi can also duplicate the charcoal, and we're running out."
    
    "Oh, well that makes sense then," Lara agreed. She finished the hot dog and tossed the plate in a trash can with the word 'Bautista' printed on it. She was surprised when Hatman pulled her aside just before the trash can exploded. "What the hell...?" Lara asked.
    
    "Automated trash can," Hatman explained quickly. He didn't bother to elaborate - after having been at the Lair Mansion a while Lara knew what to expect.
    
    "I guess I didn't notice the Bautista logo," she told him. "Usually I put up a shield when I see it. The guys at the mansion are always asking me to try things out because I can do that."
    
    "Hmm." Hatman turned his attention to flipping over pieces of meat on the grill for a moment. "I guess I should have a talk with some of them. They shouldn't be taking advantage of you like that."
    
    "I don't mind, if it saves someone from getting burned or hurt." Lara shrugged. "I'd feel more guilty if I refused and something bad happened."
    
    Hatman looked at her for a moment, noting that she was serious. "That's pretty selfless of you."
    
    "I guess I should go find Liu Xi." Lara dusted off her hands, and nodded toward Hatman with a sly grin. "Hey, if you get tired of all these guests I have a suggestion."
    
    "What's that?" Hatman asked.
    
    Lara glanced toward Donar, who was drinking ale and had just slapped some random passerby hard on the back as a greeting. "Well you do have a thunder god here. It's a quick way to bring a barbecue to a close."
    
    "I guess you're not entirely selfless," Hatman noted with a chuckle.
    
    "You know what they say." Lara shrugged again and giggled. "Heroes make the best villains. Or something like that." She waved at Hatman and wandered off to find Liu Xi. "See you later."
    
    
---


    "I need your help," Hatman told Liu Xi when he found her sitting cross-legged on a stone walkway in the garden. "What are you doing anyway?"
    
    "I saw Chiaki doing this," Liu Xi explained. "I wanted to see what it was like." She stood and dusted herself off as she asked Hatman, "What kind of help?"
    
    "Running out of charcoal and fire," he told her.
    
    She nodded, and started to follow him out of the garden. "Okay."

    Hatman turned around as he walked and noticed that the garden vanished entirely as they left, and there was nothing but lawn behind them. "What did you do that for?" he asked.
    
    She looked behind her and then faced Hatman as she smiled. "I didn't. That part of the garden is my own."
    
    He didn't ask any more questions after that, half afraid that she would actually explain it.
    
    Liu Xi followed Hatman to the barbecue grill, and within a second or her arrival, it was filled with new, glowing hot charcoal. "Would you like any more help?" she asked. She noted the arrival of CrazySugarFreakBoy! and glared at him before he replied a single word to her question.
    
    "You're getting better at this, aren't you?" Hatman asked. He quickly grabbed a hot dog bun and crammed it into CSFB!'s mouth just as it opened again.
    
    Liu Xi nodded. "I have been learning with Xander," she replied with a sly smile. "I didn't say anything because I thought I would surprise you."
    
    "I'm definitely surprised." Hatman nodded and held his hands over the grill to check the temperature. "I promised I'd bring you some food," he said, "so as soon as I get a break--"
    
    "You rang?" Yuki seemed to suddenly appeared carrying two trays of raw meats. "While I'm making a delivery I may as well cook 'em. Go take your break."
    
    "Um...okay." Hatman stepped aside, snatching a small lunch cooler he stored nearby, as Yuki gently forced her way to the grill and began loading it up. He shrugged instead and took a couple newly grilled hot dogs and vegetables and handed a plate to Liu Xi. He then noticed she was carrying a can of soda. "Where did you get that?" he asked. "I thought the Shoggoth ruined all the drinks."
    
    "I told him to stop using so many dimensions and just increase the space," Liu Xi explained cryptically as she led the way back to the garden. "And he no longer keeps them frozen. The sodas are good now."
    
    Hatman glanced over at the Shoggoth's barbecue grill. It still looked the same to him, so he shook his head and gave up trying to understand what Liu Xi meant. "One of these days you'll have to try and teach me how his thinking works. If you understand him maybe I can too."


---    


    "Have you ever been badly hurt?" Liu Xi asked, stopping once they arrived at a clearing in the garden.
    
    "Yes," he replied. Hatman didn't even remember entering the garden from the lawn yet there they were. They stopped near a large water fountain he didn't remember being there before.
    
    "You never remember every detail clearly," she explained, "Because your brain cannot accept it. Manga Shoggoth is the same, Jay. You have to see his meaning without thinking about the detail. You'll hurt your brain if you think about it too much."
    
    "I think you told me that once before," he noted. "I still find it amazing, though, how you can deal with it."
    
    Liu Xi silently munched on a hot dog for a moment. She barely noticed when Hatman took a bottle out of a small lunch cooler he was carrying. She assumed that he brought something cold along for himself, that he had saved for a break. When he showed her the bottle, her mouth hung open. "I...haven't seen that since I was a child," she whispered excitedly.
    
    "The Shoggoth got it for me," he told her as he looked at the bottle. He couldn't read it, of course, because it was printed in Chinese. "Supposed to be some kind of watermelon soft drink."
    
    "It's very good," Liu Xi told him, smiling, as she took the bottle from him. "You should try it. I used to love this." She sighed sadly as she looked at the label. When she looked up again her eyes looked almost teary. "You reminded me of a time when I was so carefree and happy. Thank you."
    
    "I thought you could use a little gift," he explained. "I really wanted to show my appreciation with something...you know...not useless."
    
    She giggled and wiped her eyes as she opened the bottle. "Want to try some?"
    
    "Sure." Hatman produced a paper cup from the small lunch cooler and waited for Liu Xi to pour in some of the beverage. He and Liu Xi looked at each other for a moment, and then she smiled as she touched her bottle to the cup as if in a toast. They both sipped at once. "It's pretty good," he said.
    
    "It's just how I remembered," Liu Xi whispered with a smile. "It has a lot of caffiene, Jay. You'll be able to barbecue for hours." She handed him his hot dog now that he sat down. "I was hoping you would come here to feed me. I have something I want to tell you in case...in case the world ends and I don't get another chance."
    
    "Sure, go ahead." Hatman took a bite of his hot dog as he waited for her to speak.
    
    "I don't really know where to begin," Liu Xi whispered, mostly to herself. "I still have nightmares about the first time I...the first man who--"
    
    "I remember," Hatman told her, trying to spare her from having to put the words together.
    
    She nodded. "And with the Parody Master wanting to force me to be his bride, the nightmares have only gotten stronger and more frequent."
    
    Hatman sighed deeply. "Chiaki once told me that the only way to get rid of nightmares is to take control of them."
    
    "No, but the nightmares I have...they start out as very nice dreams." She looked down, but her eyes were still fixed on Jay. "The kind you have about girls sometimes."
    
    "Oh." Hatman leaned back, turning a little red as he waited to see where this was headed.
    
    "It starts out nice...but then it turns horrible. Each time." She ran her fingers through her own hair nervously. "I'm sorry, I wish I didn't have to make you uncomfortable like this. I don't have anyone else to tell. Yuki has nightmares that make mine look like a puppet show, so she doesn't understand. Manga Shoggoth doesn't understand dreams at all--"
    
    "It's okay, Liu Xi. I don't mind, really."
    
    She bit her lip and nodded. "I suppose Dream might be right, when he says I need a really good experience to get rid of this. He says it's like eating really good cake after drinking piss."
    
    Hatman cringed. It was just like Dream to say something blunt yet rather disgusting like that. "Well...um...that's a tough decision, Liu Xi. If you rush into something, you might regret it more because it would have been your own choice."
    
    She nodded again. "That is why it would have to be someone I trust. It takes a long time for me to trust."
    
    "Dream didn't offer, did he?" Hatman worried.
    
    "He did, of course." She smiled slightly. "I do trust him, only because he has never lied to me. But I'm not sure, he doesn't know how to keep his mouth shut."
    
    "Yeah." Hatman laughed at that. He thought for a moment, and finally came up with a reason Liu Xi was telling him all of this - she wanted a sort of approval. "Liu Xi, I won't think less of you if you...choose to do that," he said. "I might be a little disappointed that you weren't more patient. Maybe a little jealous because you're luckier than I am. But I'll still be your friend."
    
    Liu Xi leaned her chin on one hand. "Don't be jealous. I considered you, too, but I thought things would become very awkward with us. You have a very fragile heart and you don't forgive yourself easily."
    
    "Come on, that's not true," Hatman protested.
    
    "Yes it is," Liu Xi insisted. "I remember what happened with you and Chiaki. You still don't forgive yourself for being so...impatient. And you're still so uneasy around her."
    
    "I'm a little intimidated by her," he admitted. "She has a sort of power over me because she's both exotic and charismatic. Didn't you point out to me once that I have a weakness for exotic women?"
    
    "Yes," she replied.
    
    Hatman smiled. "You're very pretty, and exotic, and that's a little intimidating. But when you talk to me...you're easy to talk to and listen to. You're not as cryptic as Chiaki, and I don't feel the same pressure to perform as I do with women I've dated. I always feel like I could say one thing wrong and--" he shrugged.
    
    "Don't say that pressure to perform thing around Dream," Liu Xi noted with a giggle.
    
    "I know." Hatman laughed too. "What I'm saying, though, is you're underestimating me. I do have a 'fragile heart' as you say, but I don't live by it, Liu Xi. Sometimes I just take a chance...if I didn't, the thing with Chiaki would never have been. Sometimes taking a chance is worth the price I might pay later."
    
    "That's a very good point," Liu Xi admitted. She brushed back her hair and thought a moment. "Hmmm...proving me wrong, and talking about taking a chance...Jay, are you considering Dream's suggestion and taking a chance with Yuki?"
    
    Hatman's heart jumped at that suggestion, and he could see his reaction mirrored in Liu Xi's eyes. She always did notice subtleties like that. He had no choice but to be honest. "Yuki...she had a body built for herself that's...let's just say it's natural for a guy to...pay attention."
    
    "I know," Liu Xi agreed. "I watch the way guys behave around her when she's not trying to get them killed."
    
    He laughed, but then turned serious again. "Whether she agreed or not, though...I'm not really into one-night stands. I like to get to know a person first."
    
    "Then who would you take a chance with?" Liu Xi asked. Her smile disappeared, and she looked a little surprised as she thought a moment and asked, "It wouldn't be me would it? That would be very nice of you. I don't know if I could make you happy, though. I'm not very experienced."
    
    "The kiss you gave me was pretty experienced," Hatman noted. He noticed that Liu Xi almost blushed at that comment. "But that's besides the point--"
    
    "You're teasing," Liu Xi interrupted suddenly, "Be honest with me like you always do, Jay. We are both very friendly. We each have one...difficulty...we can help each other with. Would you think about taking a chance and make love with me just once?"

    Hatman swallowed hard, trying to think of an appropriate reply. But then he remembered...after that entire discussion they had, he at least owed her the honesty she expected. He took a deep breath, and gave her an answer.



-- Story written and copyrighted (C) 2005 by Jason Froikin, and may not be
-- reprinted without permission.
-- Liu Xi Xian, Yuki Shiro, Lara Night, Chiaki Bushido (Psychic Samurai) (C) 2005 by Jason Froikin, all rights reserved
-- All other characters property of their respective owners





To the Spirit of the Night, I surrender...


Posted from
using Apple Safari/MacOS X
[New] [Edit] [Email] [Print] [RSS] [Tales of the Parodyverse]
Follow-Ups:

Echo™ v3.0 beta © 2003-2006 Powermad Software
Copyright © 2004-2006 by Mangacool Adventure